Turning Into Your Mother

I once owned a book titled How Not to Turn Into Your Mother.  I do not remember much about the book's content other than it was of a comedic nature.  When you are a young woman with hopes and dreams for your future, your last wish is to be like your mother, and the book poked fun at that dreaded possibility.  

When I was in my early twenties, I could totally relate to that premise.  My relationship with my mother had always been strong, but when you are young it is easier to notice the annoying qualities of your parents than the desirable ones. For example, when you got into trouble as a child, you vowed never to use the punishements your parents bestowed upon you on your future children because, of course, you felt they were being unfair.  As you grow older you swear never to adopt your mother's sense of fashion, which you perceive as outdated and sometimes embarrassing.   Before you have your own children you promise that you will never utter their parental phrases such as, "it's not you I worry about, it's the other driver" or  the time-honored "because I said so."  Unlike your parents, you will always know the names of the movies in the theater and the current hit songs on the radio.  You will not become outdated or old or boring.  You simply will not allow yourself to turn into your mother.

Years pass and life's rhythm takes over. You graduate from school and get a job.  You get married and give birth to your own kids.  You pay your mortgage, go to birthday parites, and learn how to reconcile your adult understanding of the world with the expectations you once held as a child.  You grow up without really noticing, and then one day it happens.  There was never really a chance it would not. One day you realize that you have turned into your mother.  

When I realized that this inevitable fact of life had come true for me, my reaction was quite different from the feeling of horror that I once had anticipated.   To understand my feelings you must get to know my mother, Janet Zurro.  Mom died of cancer on July 10, 2013.  Her life inspired mine in countless ways, obviously, but the lives of so many others as well. At her wake and funeral people would hug me and say, "You are just like your mother."   Janet's kind nature and brave battle with her long illness make her special.  Knowing that I have "turned into my mother" gives me a sense of pride and completion.   It is the highest compliment.  It makes sense to me and that is comforting.