Sometimes the most enduring pieces of advice can be delivered by the most unlikely of people at the most unexpected times. There are days that I forget my most needed grocery item or why I walked into a particular room, but I easily remember a handful of treasured statements spoken to me over the years. These phrases were delivered casually, mostly by people who did not intend to impart lasting wisdom. But for some reason, these words resonated with me and have found a special place in my heart. These phrases frequently pop into my head often as I experience the happenings of daily life, either to inspire me or to reinforce a simple truth. While I have gleaned different meanings and messages from these pieces of advice at different times in my life, the wisdom embedded in these phrases is truly timeless.
1. "It's not you I don't trust, it's the other guy."
Spoken by my anxious father when I was learning how to drive, this phrase always accompanied a denial to my request to borrow the family car. As an innocent teenager, I could not relate to these seemingly unfounded concerns. Nothing bad was going to happen to me so why were my parents always so worried? Now that I am a parent, I can answer this question easily! Adults see the world very differently than children. Growing up means that you know about the parts of life your parents shielded you from when you were younger. Having a child makes you feel vulnerable. These words make me appreciate how deeply my parents loved me. My youngest son is turning twelve this year and wants to be more independent. I will be thinking of this phrase often as he begins to ask me for more freedom.
2. "Everything is two trips."
I think of this truth every time I get home from the store only to realize that I have to go back to fix a problem. Maybe the cashier overcharged me for an item or I forgot to buy something I needed. Perhaps I bought the wrong size or a piece of the product was missing from the box. Whatever the reason, rarely can you succeed at an errand, or anything, in just one take. This phrase, spoken by my beloved godmother and aunt Tessie, makes me chuckle at the never ending frustrations of life. There will always be some wrench in the plans, some fly in the ointment, some complication with which to deal. I smile broadly when I think of Auntie Tessie, her love, and her many words of wisdom. Before spring break one college year, she wrote a list for my sister titled, "Tessie's Tips for Safe Trips." Number one on the list was "Don't go."
3. "If it's not behind you, you won't hit it."
This statement seems obvious and kind of silly, I know, but for me it serves as a healthy reminder to relax. Several years ago, I became friendly with a young woman who worked as a community support worker for my son. We bonded instantly because we shared similar personality traits, including a tendency to over-think, over-analyze, and worry about a wide variety of situations, most of which had not and probably never would happen. One day we were arriving home after an outing and we were pulling into my driveway. When she questioned my as to why I was not backing the car in, I told her that I was too nervous to do so. I admitted that I never learned to use the car mirrors to maneuver into parking spaces or to make judgments about what direction my car was turning. I was afraid to hit something behind me. So at the ripe old age of thirty-seven, she began to teach me how to back up my car using the mirrors, reassuring me by saying, "If's it's not behind you, you won't hit it." I hear these words just about every time I shift my car in reverse, even though I now have a back-up camera to help me. But over the years I have broadened the meaning of this phrase. I now think of this advice when I need to be calm, when I need to stop worrying about something that does not exist.
4. "Your son is so teachable."
When my son Tommy started school, I completely overwhelmed by his diagnosis of autism. He could not communicate with words, had frequent tantrums, was unable to focus his attention, and suffered physical discomfort from a sensory integration disorder. I remember feeling a sense of horror when I put him on the school bus the day after his third birthday to attend a public preschool special education class. What was going to happen to my son without my presence by his side? What was he going to be able to learn, now, or ever? Thank goodness he had an understanding teacher, who communicated with me via journal on a daily basis. Sensing my worries, one day she shared with me the name and telephone number of a parent whose son was in Tommy's class. Her name was Roberta. Her son was six and getting ready to move out of the preschool level. I was reluctant to call and ask for help and advice, and stared at the number in the communication book for a few weeks. I remember being teary-eyed when I finally reached out and made the call. The woman on the other end was cheerful and positive, two qualities I didn't realize the mother of an autistic child could possess. She told me she had been volunteering in the classroom and had observed Tommy. Roberta told me, "your son is so teachable." Teachable? Teachable? Hearing that word felt like being thrown a life jacket on the open ocean. Hearing that word rescued me. As Tommy's mother, I believe I knew it was true inside my heart, but I needed to hear it. I needed to hear someone else, a stranger, a neutral party, tell me. Hearing that world changed my world. It helped me adopt a positive mindset in all aspects of Tommy's development, at home and at school. Tommy will always need to learn, but he will. Tommy is teachable. Thanks Roberta!
5. "Worry about the things you cannot replace."
I felt like a queen living in a palace when I bought my house. I remember standing in the kitchen, looking down the hallway, and marveling at its length. Compared to my apartment, this two-bedroom ranch with a front and back yard was expansive! My husband and I were focused on keeping the property looking great, and we took great care remodeling the inside and landscaping the outside. Although I had been a teacher for several years at this point in my life, I was not yet a mother. After I arrived home from work I wanted peace and quiet. So I would quickly get annoyed when my neighbor's sons and their friends would run up and down the street, throwing balls, and making noise. I particularly disliked the instances when these children ran through my front yard and threw balls that loudly struck the fence. One day I came home from work to find three kids standing in the middle of my lawn, hanging around my lamp post. I went into full teacher-mode and sent them away with a stern lecture. I am not sure how it happened, but later that evening my neighbor's from across the street were in my driveway talking to my husband and me. I shared my story about the trespassing kids, their disrespectful and rude behavior, and how much it bothered me. At some point in the conversation my neighbor Cynthia told me to, "worry about the things you cannot replace." The comment meant nothing to me at the time. Later I realized that when she spoke those words to me her mother had recently passed away. I think of her words often, especially now that I have lost my own mother. Her words remind me to focus on what is important in life- people.
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